Life has been a roller coaster ride for me for the last few weeks.. just as i thought that it was getting better from the previous hurricane..

Feeling blind and crippled...


Can't see.. can't walk..


But.. one thing is different.. God is becoming more and more real in my life..

i begin to realise the gradual but significant change in me. i realise i can face up to trouble better, standing firm and holding on strong by the grace of God. What i see on the outside may remain the same, but i realise the innner man is getting tougher and stronger...

i thank god for wonderful people like bok and cherri.. who sms me when they read my blog about my nightmare..

may seem to be a small act of kindnes to others, but means a great deal to me.

and this wise person (you know who you are) who might actually knows everything about me.. someone i cannot hide anything from.. but sometimes i felt that i might have "over-poured", "over-burden" you with too many of my stuff.. but.. with the things i am going thru.. not many would believe me... i really thank god for you..

As much as i may be a leader and all, but all leaders are human after all... i still have my fair share of human traits and weaknesses (which will decrease day by day by the grace of god). i still need people to believe me..

many times, i felt that i have to live up to this leaders' expectations.. one day, God just show me this revelation..

"Wisdom is given to you to see blind areas which others cannot, but it don't give u a right to condemn. Wisdom should allow u to see beyond a person's weaknesses and sympathise with him. Then love him and use the wisdom to guide the person through.

You should not do things which people say it's wise to do/not wise to do so. You are just keeping a law. You should ask for revelations of the wisdom i (God) has given you, why you should or should not and not just follow blindly. You abide wisdom because you know that i love you, not because you want to please the eyes of man."

How true is that? many times we want to please the leaders around us (no offense to them, just a citation) by behaving "wisely" and giving the politically right answer... we will never learn.. each time we don't agree with our leaders, we should humble ourselves before God and ask him to give us the grace and revelation to abide in the wisdom the leaders is trying to impart.. and not abide in it by self-effort and self-discipline.. it's still self...

Same goes to the leaders.. never force wisdom down the throat of the people.. (not saying i'm great or what. this serve as much a reminder to me as well) people will grow weary of hearing "wise/not wise to do so.." instead.. we should sit the person down and explain to him and allow the grace of god to change him. it's the goodness of God that lead us to repentance, not the wrath of God.

Frankly speaking.. i quite a rebel.. many times i'm corrected by.. or rather.. i choose to be corrected by people who correct out of an intention of love. not by people with a spirit of pride, who has a greater-than-thou attitude... *shake head* Please don't abuse the name of love with pride... the people has the same holy spirit which is gifted with the discernment of spirit.. they KNOW where you are coming from.. i'm not angry.. just disappointed.. sad.. for the sheep. may your love be in deed and truth.. not just words.. empty words..

Sorry if you readers feel that i am hammering some people here in this blog.. like i say.. it's a disappointment.. Many might have thought, "why don't you go tell the person?" ans: pride... a cup full of itself cannot be filled with anything else..

as i have mentioned in my past entries.. "you are entitled to your own opinion, but be ready to be accountable for it." this is my blog, i'm entitled to my own opinion and i'm ready to be accountable for it. As i have mentioned before, (i like to qoute from myself =p) i want to be right.. not politically right..

God is dealing with me day by day.. i'm learning and being corrected day by day.. it's a process.. God never despise us failing and falling.. we failed, we falled.. but most importantly, we trust in HIS grace. we are not perfect, but we are growing in wisdom day by day.. All these said not because i think i'm better, but because i need reminder myself..

to ms amanda bok (not mdm, i know), who plays a significant role in "completing" this revelation (god show me) with all humility and wisdom. thank you.

Time for me to take a rest.. time to sleep.. and it's morning..
Good Morning!