Interesting day today...

Went visiting with my sec sch friends today... Every second day of the chinese new year, the whole bunch of us would meet up and go visiting from one house to another.. It's been like.. say.. 9 years? since 1998... from 4 person to now a big group of 12...

Despite that we barely meet up during the year.. we were no stranger to one another each time we met up...

As everyone was talking about what went on the last one year.. i realised... i.. barely had anything to talk about.. For a brief moment, one thought was stuck at two things... one, what i went thru during national service.. two.. what happened over the past two months...

i realised a big part of my life can't be put into words... went thru things.. most people won't..

I took a two hour walk home from my friend's place.. Just reach home actually..

I asked God many questions.. questions i never thought i would ask.. questions i thought i had answers to...

Many times in my life i've been pushed into circumstances.. forced to grow up.. Just when i thought things are going smooth and well... Just when i thought i could just take my time and grow, make mistakes, fall and fail.. laugh at myself..

But each time i fail.. i find it so hard to even smile.. much more laugh at myself..


Each time when i come to a defining moment... my breaking point.. i feel utterly useless, ashamed, condemned and everything else that tags negativity with it..

And the next time i looked back.. i realised.. Jesus brought me to another level.. Another level of growth.. another level, if i could say, closer walk with HIM...

Grace is what i need.. and all i've got left.. i really need the undeserved grace of God.. i need undeserved favour.. i need strength.. i need Jesus...
Bok's guitar saved my life yesterday.. without that guitar, there will be no song.. if there's no song of hope.. i won't be reminded that i still have undeserved favour.. without knowing i have undeserved grace and favour from Jesus.. i would very much skip skip skip off the ledge...

i think i would stay on this planet for a while more.. to love those i love.. yes.. to love the good, the bad.. and the ugly.. =) and yes.. i love you.. =p