life was becoming a challenge... my work became a chore.. i started leading a double life...

1 month plus back...

i behaves myself in church.. in front of all the chruch goers.. but i was a jerk at work.. i get agitated easily.. i swear and curse more.. threw tantrum.. i became proud of my success.. i was disgusted at what i see in the mirror everyday... i hated myself... i kept quiet.. my eyes is indeed cursed that i didnt see the blessings that i was already been blessed with.. i was looking for more blessings.. "SEEK FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD, and all these things shall be added to you" became "seek first the kingdom of god, AND ALL THESE THINGS SHALL BE ADDED TO YOU"... i became very selfish.. i prioritise the wrong things..

2 Cor 12:9
And HE said to me,"My grace is sufficient for you, for MY strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly i will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

that's key verse for cg just now.. but it didnt get into my head.. i didnt quite understand it.. i was just looking for an outlet to pour out my frustrations.. i starting talking to han about all those things that frustrated me at work...

Han simply said this.. "why are you so bothered about what you done wrong? shouldn't you be more conscious about your righteousness in Christ?"

When i talked to Han, my intention was not to boast about my infirmities. i was just looking for someone to talk to that i can be real and truthful to.. by the grace of God, it became that i "boast" in my infrmities... and the POWER OF CHRIST pour forth thru han's words and rest upon me.. i was set free...

i began to see the blessings around me.. how many times had God tried to guide me back but i simply ignore.. i was looking at myself.. i was relying on self-effort.. i tried to behave, i failed.. i condemned myself.. because i trust myself to behave when i cant.. and as i talked to han.. i became real and true to myself that in and out of myself.. i cant do anything right.. i acknowledge (boast) that i can't do anything right without god... i let go.. and God took over.. hallelujah..

2 cor 12:9 simply tells us to acknowledge our weakness, be truthful and put our total trust in God.. and that if we dont let go.. God would not force it out of our hand and take over... and let us be bold and not hide it.. because hiding your infirmities is a form of pride.. by hiding we are holding on.. by being truthful before God that we can't, we acknowledge that we NEED HIM.. and Abba gladly carry you thru.. by being truthful to our brothers and sisters around us.. we allowed them to encourage with the word of God..

If you are weak, rejoice!~! for HIS strength is made perfect in weakness...